It typically takes me a couple of days to come to a decree. I like to think things over. I like to consider my options. I like to be thoughtful about my choices. Today I happily announce that Eliot and I have decided that I will no longer completely stress about this pumping/breastfeeding/milk production thing. This choice has many support arguments a couple being the following: 1. There are only so many hours in a day. In order to be a good teacher, a good wife, a good friend, a good daughter, and a good mom I can't be freaked out all the time about when I am going to pump and how much gets produced. Stress, in itself, reduces milk productivity. 2. Supply and Demand theory of breastfeeding. If Lydia only breastfeeds in the morning, I will produce only in the morning. Same as in the evening. Therefore, I have concluded that I will continue to nurse Lydia and pump, but instead of having a daily panic attack I will hope for the best, take a deep breath and enjoy being her mom rather than exhausting myself.
Why the sudden need for declarations of pumping intent? Well last night Lydia woke up again at 1, 3, and then 5. Finally we brought her in our bed because we were both up, exhausted and she was awake and playful. I think she does miss us and she wants to play. It makes me sad to think she looks at us in the middle of the night and suffers to stay awake because she misses us. She is laughing while rubbing her eyes. It breaks my heart really. Tonight we will go back to giving her the bottle of formula before bed to see if she is able to stay asleep as long as she was before which was 6-8 fairly consistently. For her sake to get good sleep and have a full belly and for our sleep and heartaches.
I am not ready to be done with nursing either so we will keep going as long as we can. Lydia will soon be eating solids. In a couple of weeks, we will get the green light on rice cereal. It will be so fun to see her messy little face!
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