Tuesday, April 12, 2016


#Thisis40 is this year's theme. My friends, my husband, his friends, and I are mostly all turning 40. To be honest, most of the time I am surprised that I am this old. Age has never been a worry for me. I have always loved my birthday and still do. But when I take the time to reflect and consider I am 40, I earnestly have that moment where I think "How the hell did that happen?" I am getting more and more gray hairs, while at times it occurs to me that I should consider how to gray gracefully because I am never going to be any good at getting my hair colored, most of the time I don't care. I feel like I should start moisturizing and stop washing my face with regular soap, but still not motivated enough to decode that aisle at Target. Even though my bestie has been telling me for years that my skin will end up falling off or something. Somethings don't really change.

By far the greatest thing about being 40 is being really okay with exactly who you are. At least that is the way I feel. That doesn't mean that I don't have the occasional self-doubt, afterall, I am human, but rather I am more able to tread through those moments, thankfully. And I am much more comfortable with disagreeing with popular opinion. Like I don't really like mimosas, or pie. I don't care for high heels or closed toed shoes even when it's cold out. I like to read young adult novels because I can read them fast and then I feel accomplished. I can be really lazy, like not get out of your pjs all day and answer the door to a stranger in pjs kind of lazy. I still would sleep until noon if people let me. I floss. I feel pretty superior because I do, since most people don't.

I don't like baths. I don't like the idea of sitting in my dirty bath water. I always feel like I must shower afterwards because I feel the thin layer of soapy murk all over. Most of my life I have had long hair and if I don't condition it, it will be knotty and dipping my whole head in a bath tub of dirty water to potentially rinse the conditioner out is just crazy talk.

I don't want to be in a crowded loud smoky bar. There was a time and place for that in my 20's, but nowadays, if the good Lord has granted me the opportunity to go out to have a drink with friends, I want it to be some where I can hear what they are saying and enjoy connecting with them. I don't want to be squished between the 22 year olds, you know the one with the way too short skirt and way too high platform shoe wearing that is pressing her whole self on the bar to encourage rapid drink fulfillment and the other one wearing a baseball cap, slightly baggy jeans, a polo shirt, sipping on his Bud Light while drooling over the how much he can visually consume of the girl pressed on the bar. I just want to hang out with friends and catch up.

I would rather listen to NPR (or any other talk radio thanks to Sirus XM) than music in the car. There is no longer a need for me to roll down the windows with my sunglasses, hair flying in the wind, bopping my head to the beat (and if you know me, off beat) all along blasting music to feel cool. I am only so cool, and I am okay with that. What I find to be infinitely more interesting is what is happening in the world around me and the only opportunity I have to figure that out, is in the car.

I like food. I work hard to be healthy. I exercise. I am not an overeater. I eat vegetables. I understand the great lessons of the Buddha and Aristotle that most things in moderation; balanced, is the ideal. But sometimes I want to eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's and gosh, I think at 40 I deserve to. I just need not give myself the emotional guilt trip of doing so. Do I do it often? No. Can I remember the last time I ate entire pint of ice cream? Nope. But I want to reserve the right to do so, whenever my heart desires. 

I have opinions about things in the world and I am willing to share them. I don't assume that someone is going to change their minds or their hearts. However, at this point, I don't want anyone thinking they are going to change my mind either. I am who I am. I am always willing to listen and to empathize, but I will only join the crusades that I feel are right. At 40, I am not putting on a facade for anyone. You get whatcha get. You either dig it, or you don't. That's cool. Seriously, it's cool.

I feel lucky to have two amazing parents, an awesome husband, and my beautiful daughters. Plus wonderful friends, sweet in-laws, and I have a job I love with the greatest colleagues. I live in a neighborhood filled with great people in a house that I enjoy. I am #blessed. #Thisis40.

1 comment:

  1. For the record, I would eat a pint of Ben and Jerry's! Maybe not NPR though. There is only so much hypocrisy I can take! Great post. Proud of you for this awesome insight and honesty.