Sunday, December 19, 2010

No Biggie

Parents are prepared to do just about anything for their babies. Before you even sign up for the parental gig you assume the responsibility of changing diapers and cleaning spit up is part of the job description but the truth of parenthood is that it's much much more. You find yourself in situations that you just didn't think would come up, you could refer to the previous pooplosion entires but I am here to reveal that it does get a bit more convoluted and kinda gross than just the poo.

Last week as I took off Lydia's diaper to put her in the tub, she peed all over me. I didn't even flinch. It was as if I had been peed on millions of times. I couldn't walk away with her in the tub to get cleaned up for obvious reasons, so as she got clean while the pee drip all over me and onto the kitchen floor. Eh. No biggie.

I noticed that she had some excessive ear wax and if you know me well you may know the Floyd story. Poor Floyd was a classmate of mine when I was in elementary school. My 5th grade year I broke my leg in several places and was in a full leg cast for most of the year. Every morning my mom would drop me off with a wheelchair and Floyd would help her get me out of the car and into the chair. Every morning I would see poor Floyd's ear wax overflowing out of his ear. I mean the yellowness was seeping out. 23 years later, I have to clean my ears every day. If you can imagine, I can't allow my child to be Floyd and I can't stick a Q-tip in her little ear so when I see a little yellow coming out, I wipe it away with my finger. Often I have to wipe on whatever is my shirt or pants. Eh. No biggie.

As most babies...actually most humans Lydia produces boogers. That blue thing that sucks things out is rather frightening because you feel like you may suck their little brains right out even though you don't. In truth I can't seem to get it in there far enough to suck on the boogers I see without fear so I use my nails. It's harder than you may think to get a wiggly 3 month old to let you get their boogers so they won't be the kid with boogers. So I pick her nose for her. Eh. No biggie.

Of course there is the spit up down the cleavage. No biggie. I quickly leave aisles at Target because her farts are so awful that no ones believes it would be a cute baby making that stink so I avoid eye contact and take the heat of the stink. The whispers are heard, but no biggie. I have licked her binki when it has fallen in dirt and we didn't any other way to clean it. Little dirt never hurt anyone, no biggie.

At the end of the day, there is nothing that I wouldn't do for her and even the most passive of parents report being capable of tearing someone from limb to limb if necessary to protect or make their child's life better/safer. The smile from Lydia makes everything not that big of a deal.

1 comment:

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