|at work at publix|
|grabbing a bike|
Looking at so many pictures of her throughout her first year and seeing all her little changes. How her eyes are not quite blue but not quite brown either. How her big cheeks have grown out. How her big size 4 1/2 feet has done the same. How she throws a ball, kicks it and then chases it just to do it all over again filling her grandfathers' and father's eyes with hope of a soccer all star. She gives kisses and hugs and drags dolls all over the house filling her grandmothers' and mother's hearts with her compassion. This year has been so remarkable and we are so profoundly blessed.
I can not imagine loving anyone more than I love her. I can't imagine life without her. I fear sometimes that as we discuss the possibilities of having another little one. If I could love Lydia's sibling as much as I love her. It's a real fear. Is there enough of us to be able to parent another child as well? To give baby #2 the same amount of adoration as we give her? Is it the same love or does it change? And if it changes what would it be like? Would it take away from Lydia? Perhaps some of these fears stem from being a wonderfully adored only child that has a fantastic relationship with her parents and that has never wanted for anything, really, not even a sibling. What if Lydia and her sibling are not close? How will this all effect her? It is possible that the preemptive worrying is in vain, but how could I not consider the possibilities?