Thursday, July 29, 2010

Birthing Class Night #3

Throughout my life I feel as if I have had the internal debate of whether or not ignorance is truly bliss. In college, as I demystified biblical literature I ended up in a black hole until eventually overtime, I developed a deeper understanding and a deeper faith. Later on in life, through various circumstances the same question has come up, with not always the same eventual silver lining. On night #3 of birthing class, also known as panic attack night, the same question arose. again. As the instructor pulled out odd shaped electronic devices most of which can be inserted up your body, I began to really consider the implication of education. For hundred of years, women squated in fields, plopped out their infants and that was that. What I learned on Tuesday, I wonder, was it  truly worthy of 21st century lexicon of skill development for an expectant mother?

Lesson #1
The uterus is tilted away from the cervix for most of the pregnancy. As a woman reaches term, the uterus tilts to align itself with the cervix (Add towtruck backing up sound effect here. I did during class.) Once the alignment is completed, one of the natural ways to induce labor is having sex not because it jiggles things around up in there, but because semen (the whole reason you are in this predicament to begin with) has a natural element that initiates the thinning of the cervix (like a paint thinner if you will.) So you are super pregnant throw some semen in there and thin things out and get the show on the road.

Lesson #2
Drug interventions can lead to more medical interventions which can lead to more strange objects (some which look like air gages and crochet hooks for real) going into places I normally do not use for storage. Getting out the label maker and make things very clear is now on my to-do list. Ah yes, and anything called a vaginal ripening agent is against my religion. I saw what happened to Eve with the temptation of the that ripe apple and I would like to think that I have learned a thing or two in the last 5770 years.

Lesson #3
Drawing robots can not only distract you during birthing class but can work as a procrastinating tool when working on homework as well.

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